Elsie+Lock+20ll

__Thursday 9 June 2011__

Target - Next Steps Victoria re read your story out loud to yourself and ask, does it make sense? how could I re word this sentence? e.g

Three months later and Fleck is beginning to have his own ideas of what they should do, so much of the time the pried would do nothing there,

Three months later and Fleck was beginning to have his own ideas about what the pride should do. He didn’t want to be doing nothing, he wanted to go hunting.

Try to write how you talk. Here are some words you can use to edit with lioness, pride, please, hours, kept, either

__Flecks life as a Lion in the Pride__

It was a hot day in the planes where a pride of lions just laying there in the sun. One of the lions the dominate mail Eddy spots one of the lions ss is missing, but then soon returns as a mum. Its Sue with a cub by her side called Fleck and he is the one who starts the story. Three months later and Fleck is beginning to have his own ideas of what they should do, so much of the time the pried would do nothing there, then in a nick of time Fleck spots some intertanement two lions hunting “ I am going to be just like them when I’m older ‘‘ said Fleck, but Eddy thinks other wise “ quite wrong Fleck but when your older you will be “ Sue shoved Eddy be fore he could finish his sentence and tell Fleck that he will be kicked out of the pride once a mature mail lion. Fleck was starting to get impatient “ dad would you take me out for a look over those hills pleas dad pleas ” “ why don’t you ask your mother Fleck “ mother “ “not with out your father your not going”, Two hoers later “ see dad we are all ready half way there “ said Fleck, Flecks father isn't in the mood but ceps walking on with him. Now have been walking for four hoers Eddy is getting to get hungry. Eddy to starved to even nosiest Fleck he wonders off in search of food and Fleck not knowing that he is on his own he carries on towards the hills and to his choice of life and death.

Fleck still walking on with his eyes forward begins to notice that when ever he talks to his father that he is not talking back to him and then at moment Fleck knows he ether goes and look for his father and cep going on to the hills or turn around and follow the tracks back home. Fleck choose the right thing to do turn around and go home, he picks up his fathers sent and soon finds his tracks and follows them home but the tracks Fleck has found is another mail lion, ether Fleck will have to face the lion or Fleck will found out that he is following the wrong lion.

Thirty mints latter and Fleck is still walking but doesn’t seam to be getting anywhere near the home but just a k a way is the pride of the lion Fleck has been following, the dominate mail can smell Fleck and lions do not adopted lone cubs and they are not going to start now, the lion races towards Fleck and bits down hard. Fleck does escape from the lions grip but with a sacrifice his ear ripped but bleeding badly but he ceps walking on in search for home but in the wrong direction. It is getting dark and Fleck is in need of food and shelter, up a head a near by cave sits by a watering hole its not food but it will do. Fleck dreamed that night that is was only a short way home but Fleck is to far away, and Fleck never returned to the pride.

Monday 16 May 2011

Flecks life as a Lion in the Pride

It was a hot day in the planes where a pride of lions just laying there in the sun. One of the lions the dominate mail Eddy spots one of the lions ss is missing, but then soon returns as a mum. Its Sue with a cub by her side called Fleck and he is the one who starts the story. Three months later and Fleck is beginning to have his own ideas of what they should do, so much of the time the pried would do nothing there, then in a nick of time Fleck spots some intertament two lions hunting “ I am going to be just like them when I’m older ‘‘ said Fleck, but Eddy thinks other wise “ quite wrong Fleck but when your older you will be “ Sue shoved Eddy be fore he could finish his sentence and tell Fleck that he will be kicked out of the pride once a mature mail lion. Fleck was starting to get impatient “ dad would you take me out for a look over those hills pleas dad pleas ” “ why don’t you ask your mother Fleck “ mother “ “not with out your father your not going”, Two hoers later “ see dad we are all ready half way there “ said Fleck, Flecks father isn't in the mood but ceps walking on with him. Now have been walking for four hoers Eddy is getting to get hungry, every k they past there was some sort of pray just standing there. Eddy to hungry to even nosiest Fleck he wonders off in search of food and Fleck not knowing that he is on his own he carries on towards the hills and to his choice of life and death.

Fleck still walking on with his eyes forward begins to notice that when ever he talks to his father that he is not talking back to him and then at moment Fleck knows he ether goes and look for his father and cep going on to the hills or turn around and follow the tracks back home. Fleck choose the right thing to do turn around and go home, he picks up his fathers sent and soon finds his tracks and follows them home but the tracks Fleck has found is another mail lion, ether Fleck will have to face the lion or Fleck will found out that he is following the wrong lion

Thirty mints latter and Fleck is still walking but doesn’t seam to be getting anywhere near the home but just a k a way is the pride of the lion Fleck has been following, the dominate mail can smell Fleck and lions do not adopted lone cubs and they are not going to start now, the lion races towards Fleck and bits down hard. Fleck does escape from the lions grip but with a sacrifice his ear ripped but bleeding badly but he ceps walking on in search for home but in the wrong direction. It is getting dark and Fleck is in need of food and shelter, up a head a near by cave sits by a watering hole its not food but it will do for the night. In the night Fleck thinks of his mum and his dad and if they miss him is much as he does, but back at home things were much worse, Eddy had returned to the pride after he left Fleck alone “ why did you leave Fleck alone “ said Sue “ I was hungry “ so what us lion ss have to do all the hunting and killing and then the you get the first bite I hardly call that fair.” Back in the cave Fleck was sound a sleep, hoers went by and it was nearly drone Fleck woke up early but still tiered and hungry he walked on mother, but Fleck is not the only one who is hungry. Not to far away a hyena is in shurch of food, He runs towards Fleck and starts to circle around him “ hello there little lion are you hungry I‘m starved hey your Sue kid